"Dear leaders, please legalize weed for these reasons.."

Being Straight-Edge, you can imagine people who aren't are quite prone to engaging me in conversation about why their drug of choice isn't as bad as the others, or how they justify doing it (if you can't imagine, that's fine, because A, this is real and true, so there's really no need, and B, culture and society have consistently proven that we're all much better at arbitrarily selecting others to do such low-level thinking for us). Why I think people feel the need to do this, I'll save for another time, but what I've noticed is that this conversation, very commonly - if not most commonly - is in defense of marijuana, and how it is less destructive and corrosive in terms of consequences direct and indirect than alcohol. I'm not sure if I'm more bothered by the exhaustive repetition of these claims or that all these people think my sobriety has somehow blinded me from this obvious truth. So, for the record, no fucking shit.

That said, I would like officially declare an in-favor stance of the legalization of marijuana. And, as with any declaration, I've more than enough conviction and pompous editorial into which I'll now delve.

I've two reasons for taking this stance:

1. I am wholly opposed to bestowing in anyone or anything the power to dictate what you or I may or may not do with and to our bodies, provided that such doings do not directly violate the basic human rights of anyone else (unless that other person is just an abhorrable jackoff). This extends itself to suicide, any other drug, consensual erotic asphyxiation (insert joke about putting the "Sensual" in "consensual"), and various other indulgences.

2. Pot culture (Get it? Like pop culture, but the rappers t-shirts aren't blurred out and there's a more realistic ratio of people who landscape their undercarriage to those who don't) is a simple dichotomy. As with any subculture or recreational activity, you've got your base, casual partakers. These folks smoke weed for any number (usually a small one) of reasons, from the simple, "It feels good," to the larger media's indirect glorification of it, to the ease of not saying "No," or why ever it is that most of you probably smoke. These folks want weed legalized as a matter of convenience, with little more behind it than that.

And then, as with any subculture or recreational activity, you've got your intense, passionate, lifestyle smokers whose every interaction, perception, and decision is affected by weed. These are the people who only own three t-shirts, two of which have pot leaves on them while the third is stained from repeated bongwater spills. Through weed, they've found enlightenment and friendship, they comprehend and create things they'd never otherwise, and, in the herbal eradication of hate and malevolence, their love is deeper, deeper, deepest. It's hard to specifically explain why these people want weed legalized, as the reasons for such are innumerable and all-encompassing; there exists no reason that is not a reason why they want weed legalized; there is no white without black; weed should be legalized because it is awesome just as weed should be legalized because of plankton.

And it's this passion, this vehemence, that makes legalization so appealing to me. Were marijuana made licit, this entire subversive community would, in short time, be completely undermined, exploited, capitalized, and commodified in the same way every other substance and subculture has been. Marijuana growth would become marijuana production, finding its way into the corporate abyss of American industry. The independent and international marijuana farmers so lauded for their daring and mastery of hydroponics would be won-out by conglomerate takeovers with cheaper production and greater distribution at lower cost to consumers. It would be mass-marketed and mass-produced, sold to anyone duly swayed, swindled, and conned by clever ad campaigns, sponsorships and product-placement. Media attention would rile polarized opinions and make aggressive beliefs previously proudly characterized by their amicability. Marijuana would become a product to bridge the gap between tobacco and alcohol. An easy medium with arbitrary age restrictions, subject to the same legal rhetoric we currently find similar licit substances under.

Such bastardization and defamation of the pot culture's golden calf would irreversibly cheapen and debase any rebelliousness or convicted meaning the drug and its high have been associated with. The strong focus on grassroots organization and general fucktheman mentality so defined by something as blunt (pun probably intended) as burning and/or consuming and/or whatever leaves would find decimating contradiction in its new face.

Sure, there'd be purists who may cling to their long-held ideals, but they wouldn't be taken seriously, and would likely over-worry themselves with being perceived as legit (take the hilarious debasement of punk, for example), exacerbating the irony of their plight.

Way I see it, pot culture, as it exists today (and as it may ever exist with any scrap of dignity or integrity), simply cannot exist in a legalized America (that's one thing I forgot to point out, in all this, I'm referring solely to the United States.. different societies and people elsewhere obviously generate different hypotheses).

So, brothers and sisters, regard me deathly serious when I throw my fist in the air and say, "Fellow Americans, we know what we need, open your mind and legalize weed!"