Re:

The ad reads:

I have some muscovy males, white pekin and colored (mix) ducks, sex unknown at this time. $10 a piece or deal for more. Two young female peacocks, $45 each. Two female kids and a neutered male. Girls are dehorned. $75 each.

I responded:

Hey..

I'm interested in the kids you're selling (bold move, throwing them up on Craigslist like that, by the way), but have some questions.

Were the females' horns birth defects (or, as I like to refer to them, birth blessings), or were they body-mod implants? I'm open-minded and all, but I think things like that should wait until the person is at least old enough to understand the consequences of such radical decisions (obviously the dehorning is indicative of regretting such a hasty decision).

Why was the male neutered, and are you sure that's the appropriate term for the process? I'm no doctor, but it sounds so detached (get it?) to say it that way. Don't get me wrong; I well understand the benefits of raising a boy as a eunuch. Not only can you bypass the entire pubescent awkwardness, but his trained voice could make the angels weep. I'm just curious about your choice.

Are the kids housebroken, or have you been raising them with your animals? Neither answer would be a dealbreaker for me, I'd just like to know in advance whether I should convert my office to a bedroom or just fix up the old hutch in the backyard.

Have you named them? Is there anything they're accustomed to being called? Again, not a dealbreaker, but I quite enjoy naming everything I own after myself. I've found that doing so is self-validating on two levels: It provides a sense of accomplishment, as if you've just discovered a new land and are so christening it that any who come after know darn well who came before, and it offers a boost in sexual confidence, especially when it comes to kids, hearing three shrill and lively voices screaming out your name to tell on your name for treating your name poorly. If only my ex had such enthusiasm.

And finally, why are you trying to sell these kids? I'd understand if you were selling them so that you could keep the animals, as I've heard myriad stories of horrific cross-breeding mishaps, but that not being the case, I can't seem to figure it out. I don't mean to be intrusive, so don't feel the need to answer this question if it's too personal.

After all, one man's trash is another man's treasure, right?

Thank you,

..will baker

EDIT: I have received a reply in a very bold, very large font.

Why is it bold to put up baby goats (KIDS) are what baby goats are called, (which I think you have no knowledge of) on craigs list? They are not trash. I am not obligated to sell them to just anyone, which I would not do. I chose who would be right. Don't you have better things to do with your time than to write emails on subjects you know nothing about?

A truly hilarious way to start the day. Thank you, Jill Frick. Yes, Frick. And, this being my fun, I of course needed the last word.

will: +1, Jill: 0.

I've been doing this sort of thing off and on, but I think I might make a periodical of it, editing and amending each post as I receive replies. I'm just that much of an ass.

EDIT: Another reply. I think I'll let her have this one.

I think not. You have a very sick sense of humor. No wonder you have an EX. Bother someone else.